Margaret E. Gray, PhD, wife

Life is a collection of many encounters, opportunities, challenges, and victories. Coincidence plays a part, but I believe that many events that define Dave’s accomplishments result from his energetic spirit, and amazing resilience.

Everyone who has spent time with Dave has a sense of his persistent energy. His mother’s accounts of his school-years include time-after- time getting calls from the school due to his inability to sit still, some- times interpreted as intentional misbehavior, “bad boy!” Thankfully, he learned to channel much of this excess energy through rigorous physical and mental efforts. Mainly hockey, but track and other sports consumed a lot of his time and energy in his youth. Although strenuous sports are no longer a part of his life, he works out every day with adapted equipment, and his intellectual and emotional energies have been directed in important, productive ways.

As he reflects on experiences of his childhood, he is able to put them into a perspective and can even see many of the situations through a lens of humor when he was accused of “misbehaviors”. Though some were emotionally hurtful at the time, I believe they contributed to his deep understanding of people, including authority. His great sense of humor, a quality that has always made him a joy to be with, valued by friends, family and co-workers, has kept his spirits buoyed through the toughest of times. This trait which may have some genetic links has been bred into our children. I’m sure environmental factors contribute to nurturing this disposition, also. Our children have all developed good humor, know how to have fun, and can laugh even when they are sometimes the brunt of other people’s wit.

Polly, as the youngest, has always been very good at finding enjoyment in life-experiences, and learned early that she had a knack for entertaining others. Likewise, her grin-and-bear-it spirit was evident when a mistake or mishap left her being “laughed at.” Growing up, she would be expected to be lagging behind her siblings since she is much younger; she is nearly 6 and 8 years younger than Beth and David. But, she was ordinarily able to hold-her-own in discussions and disagreements – which were a ritual every night at the dinner table. However, one evening the conversation got into a topic that lost her interest and, knowing she was expected to stay at the table, she got consumed with boredom and gradually dozed off. The rest of us noticed only when she started to slide off her chair—and hit the floor with a howl. Beth (sitting closest and hopefully aware she was not hurt), candidly remarked, “That was a rude awakening!” Polly, as usually, made a quick recovery.

Beth, about 5 years old in the pre- “princess” days had, nonetheless, found a fascination with kings, queens and their royal families. This fascination was fostered by early exposure to many fairy tales. She coined herself “Queen Elizabeth,” along with anointing the rest of us: King David, Prince David, Court Jester (Polly), and Maid Margaret.

Polly and I both fully lived up to our titles.

Polly’s joy in life has always been contagious and creative. She’s a natural entertainer (if not a jester)! One Christmas when she was about three, she saved a cube-shaped paste-board box of a compact size that she could squeeze neatly within. The top was attached at one side, so she could hide and peep out—the spy. That got old, quickly, so she decided it would be a great platform for her to be a jack-in-the-box.

The game was a hit, lots of singing, with Polly springing out as the lid flew open! Beth contrived a handle (for winding) on the side which required a second, active, player. And the box was a living room fixture for months—frequently adding action and entertainment.

David, our son, developed extraordinary computer and technology skills- all self-taught. Throughout his high school career he worked with a local company, Bethesda Computers, largely as a trouble shooter. Returning home one Saturday after a day at work, he told us he had been dispatched to the home of a man to set up his newly purchased computer system. He was pleased that he could do this successfully because it needed to be highly specialized; the man was quadriplegic.

As David was talking to us about the experience, he mentioned, “He’s worse off than you are, dad.” And Dave’s response was: “You mean he has two teen-age sons?” The nuances were not lost!

Dave’s intense interest in history and historical figures has always amazed me. Although he has a keen mind for science and research that define his career, his avocation is history. He tackles volumes of reading by and about great people, great historical events including wars. He is often immersed in reading and treasures the hours he spends absorbed in these tomes. In our travels, we often visit historic sites, homes of presidents, battlefields, and military museums. I have certainly been enriched by having shared these experiences. Nonetheless, I am not always up-to-par with his intense level of interest as he examines every document and display in a war museum or needs the time on a historic battlefield to read from every marker and monument.

Two intriguing and powerful historical figures for whom Dave has great admiration are FDR and Churchill. Living in turbulent times, each with challenges of their own, accomplished great victories and prominence. Last year, Dave read six volumes by Winston Churchill. With his high regard and insatiable interest in Churchill and his times, this was an absorbing venture. He relished Churchill’s perspective on events of the time that were not always consistent with other accounts of history as he knew them. Dave delights in the words of Churchill, which could be his personal mantra: “Never give up!”

Vacationing in London a few years ago, Dave was determined to visit the Churchill War Rooms, the wartime bunker in which Churchill and his government were sheltered during the Blitz. We had to fit it into our last day abroad along with an essential errand which was getting my stolen passport replaced at the U.S. Embassy. Both ventures were interesting, even for me! The Embassy is located within easy walking distance of the Churchill War Rooms. We started at the Embassy just to be sure that I would be able to fly home the next day. Arriving in front, the public entrance appeared minimally accessible with a chairlift on a track up the otherwise splendid flight of steps. We needed help, but were abruptly informed that the lift was broken. So we were escorted in through the garage. A fleet of guards walked us around the building, opening a huge garage door for our entry. A spiked rail rose from the ground (a warning!), but it was retracted for Dave to roll over safely. Meanwhile, I thought this should be captured in a few photos. I failed; without warning, my camera was confiscated. Eventually, I did get my passport and reclaimed my camera (with the film removed). And we were off to the War Rooms.

The War Rooms proved to be a very busy, popular site. We waited in line, and nearing the entry, we were told by one of the officials that the elevator was not available. It had been loaded with packages, perhaps a convenient storing place. However, we were not so easily dismissed: Following a lengthy discussion with some higher official called to the scene, they decided that the cargo would be removed, and we could proceed to the underground site. A couple wonderful hours of exploration followed.

Then when leaving, the elevator failed—it would not ascend! (Maybe we would miss our flight after all?) The other visitors were delayed both from departing and entering. Yet everyone remained in good spirits with many offering to assist. In the end, some burly gentlemen transported him up the stairs with a couple hoisting each side of the wheelchair. A good ride, and a good interaction with our English comrades!

Franklin Delano Roosevelt has always been admired by Dave. Beyond the remarkable accounts of his presidency, living exuberantly and creatively with his physical challenges makes him even more intriguing. The idea of living in a time when physical disability was not accepted and needed to be “hidden,” makes his story even more compelling. While we were living in D.C. we visit FDR’s home in Hyde Park, New York during one of our ventures north. The site is a splendid setting, with the elegant home and beautiful country side. Dave was very impressed with the home’s accessibility features which are all very inconspicuous. For example, instead of an elevator, FDR used the dumb waiter to hoist or lower himself between floors. Imagine the arm strength!

The FDR monument in D.C. was constructed shortly after we had moved from D.C., but we have had opportunities on return visits to see this unique and interesting memorial site. On our first visit, Dave found it discouraging that FDR’s images did not include any with him in his wheelchair. And he was not alone in noticing this: Hugh Gallagher, international disability advocate and author of FDR’s Splendid Deception (1985), spearheaded an effort throughout the disability community to raise the funds to add the missing statue. Dave was an eager contributor. On our following visit, the statue had been added; FDR seated in a wheelchair, appearing vital and active. The statue was a meaningful tribute to FDR, the man and his accomplishments, who saved our nation, perhaps all of mankind, in spite of his physical limitations!

Dave’s love of history goes along with his passion for science. They converge at times as is the case with his interest in Darwin. Dave has read historical accounts of Darwin’s life and his original writings such as Voyage of the Beagle and The Origins of the Species. Now, I do like to share his interests, and a few years ago, I decided to read more about Darwin. My choice was historical fiction, The Origins by Irving Stone, a wonderfully enriching story, enjoyable and quite factual not only about Darwin but English society of the times. Also, it offered a lot of conversational fodder for things I could discuss with Dave. I encouraged him to read it, too, even though he berates “historical fiction” claiming it is self-contradicting, i.e., something that is “historical” can’t be “fiction”!

Additionally, he objects to an author putting words in the mouth of the characters, the fictional dialogues that are written to keep the story compelling. Dave’s point is: “How does the author know what they would have said?” Nevertheless, he did read it which helped him see why I like historical fiction, and I think he enjoyed it, too!

On a trip to England in 2000, we spent a day at Downe House, Darwin’s home outside of London. The house with museum-like qualities was interesting to both of us, but I wanted to spend some of the time exploring the pathways Darwin walked as he pondered his science and visit the fields on the estate. Unfortunately, these were closed to the public at the time because of an epidemic of mad-cow disease. It was pleasant enough for me to spend the day in the museum and adjacent gardens, but Dave claimed he did not get to everything he needed to see in the museum/home. Nonetheless, he took the opportunity to returned to Downe House recently when he and our son went to the 2012 London Paralympics, having planned ahead to visit this along with other historical sites of England and France.

Whether work or family commitments, Dave has always been action-oriented; he sets the bar high, gathers his forces, and moves forward! Throughout his career he has notable accomplishments that are seldom seen as single events, but have evolved with his mission to enrich and empower the lives of others. As a presidential appointee, he initiated an effort for change and carried it through congress while he was the Director of what is now NIDRR. To represent this important government agency as contemporary and enlightened, he changed the name of the “National Institute on Handicapped Research” in 1986 to the “National Institute on Disability Research and Rehabilitation” (NIDRR). A more systemic change was his successful efforts to bring applied research to the National Institutes of Health (NIH) which is the hallowed grounds of basic scientific research. He established and became the first acting director in 1991of the National Center for Medical Rehabilitation Research (NCMRR). Applied research ordinarily has more everyday relevance, and can contribute significantly to quality of life for people with disabilities. His work at NIH including NCMRR was, in simple terms, overseeing the research of others. Although he was very good at this and enjoyed the many interactions with researchers and their research, he was eager to conduct his own studies that would improve the lives of people with disabilities. This led him to Washington University. As a researcher and professor, he has led important research in community participation, mentored a lot of amazing students many of whom have already impacted their fields of specialty, and he has helped position the university in a unique way in its collaboration with Paraquad, St. Louis’ premier independent living center.

Dave has more long-term, deeply loyal friends in all walks of life than anyone I have ever known. If not a close friend, he is ordinarily communicative and friendly and never intentionally rejecting of others. Regardless of all his productive accomplishments, great friends, colleagues and a loving family, there are a few outliers who do not hold him in such high regard. I believe his drive to accomplish his goals, including impatience with those who deter his efforts, has sometimes led to unfriendly feelings of the detractors. In other words, he has some antagonists, the price one pays to hold to their convictions; similar to the disposition of his hero, Winston Churchill: “You have enemies? Good. That means you have stood up for something, sometime in your life.”